i'll be seeing you

another lit paper trashed. my esteem is like so gone. don't even have confidence anymore. i think my teacher doesn't like the way i write. i think the problem with me is that i take things to heart. like that comment on blah blah blah is relatively new. and then he circled the phrase relatively new and wrote down, "define relatively new. what do you mean by this?" do i have to make my paper one hundred pages long just so that i get to define almost every phrase?

haha. i'm such a loser. home on a friday doing papers. i'm still reading for litcrit. can't start my paper without reading ehhh. hay. feminism sucks. there are three kinds of feminists. there's the butch, the liberal and well, i still don't get the third one. but i have a feeling that the most radical one is the butch... they are called butch because they are almost like men except for the fact that they are bitter about not having that thing guys have. yes. penis envy. i was watching blade trinity last night. yes i was awake and was watching how hot ryan reynolds was in that movie and at the same time, admiring jessica biel's super tight bod. and no, i am not crushing on her. she must have really worked out. i was cheking out her cuts and grabeh! her arms were so whoa!!!! i wonder how many hours she worked out every day. her fight scenes were a bit awkward pero pwede na. the other day, i also watched stealth. she was also there. if i were a guy, i would go for her. forget jessica alba. jessica biel is the bomb! the sweet home alabama guy was also there! i love the color of his eyes. back to penis envy. ryan reynolds' character was being his oh so sarcastic self and insulted parker posey's character and she admitted she was jealous that they had you know. because she didn't have one and never will. anyway, if a feminist saw this entry, they'd probably make me katay or something.

so right now, i'm taking a break. i ate ramen again and kimchi and then salmon. hmmmm. i'm so full. i don't want to go to school tomorrow but i'm going to have to. damn it. extra session for one of my classes. i'm freaked out because my grades are so unpredictable right now. i only know that i'm getting at least a B in one of my classes. everything else = question mark. i hope elmo doesn't fail me. cause that'd suck. kaye and i were talking. he's cute for a teacher. hahaha. for a teacher. what an insult. but he has itsura ahhh. well, may itsura but that's it.

i have a blockmate i'm a bit pissed at. he seems user friendly and well, i think he doesn't think well of me? or think much of me? i've never really cared for other people's opinions but that's because i've always been secure about my position when it comes to relationships. like in my old block, i knew who i wanted as friends and who i should stay clear of. basically, i didn't really care about anyone else except those who mattered. but these days, i've been so insecure lately. like, in american idol. that girl haley doesn't get much cheers from the crowd when her name's called. like, when the small guy ryaN? not sure. when he announces, haley, you're not in the bottom three, no one really claps for her. i feel that way in my stupid block. like, when i'm called to recite a poem or do something in front of the whole class, no one cheers me on except for kaye. hahahaha. am i that unlikeable? but if i were, why do i have friends? do my friends therefore put up with me? because i have something they want or i know someone they want to know or whatever?

hay. insecurities. shifting to another course can be emotionally draining. it's like you're plucked out of your secure world and placed elsewhere. it really sucks.

so that guy. i don't like him and all but it's just sort of bastos that when i ask him a question, it's like he doesn't take me seriously. i was NOT the one kicked out of my course. he was? i chose to leave? there's a distinction there? call it pride but there's still a difference there? i might not be as well read but hello? i'm sure i have something he doesn't?

too bad he crushes on one of my friends. if i weren't a good person, i'd have badmouthed that user friendly prick to his crush. just pissed at what happened yesterday when i asked him a question and he totally ignored me. it's weird cause during the first day of class, he seemed very friendly. will definitely dig around for dirt.




yeah. KSP ako.












so shoot me.