it takes some silence to make sense

the Lodown

2007-07-31T21:48:00.000+08:00

My thesis workshop is on the 7th. My birthday is on the 7th. My Philo midterms might be on the 7th. Who says the number 7 is lucky? With the way things are going, I won't be surprised if I have 7 major submissions on the 7th. Damn it. The holidays on the 20th and the 27th better better better be enough.

Oh. And have I mentioned the immersion I have to go to? I must go to Bataan and be one with the FISHerfolk. Yes. Swim with the fish? I hate toe-biting, flesh eating swimming monsters. So bad for them. I know I'm tasty and all considering the amount of Kikkoman I have every day of the year but come on. The sea is saltier. One thing's definitely for sure na. It's going to be one hell of an ALAT weekend. Hay.

Only good thing is that Hasya is arriving soon. Oh. And if Chess agrees, a session of ***** **********. Haha. Sorry, kiddies. This is for grown ups. Rated R sya. Some people might get offended ehhhh. Diba, Chess? Matthew's birthday this Saturday. Hmmmm. I lost five pounds. Fifteen more to go before I can start dressing like a skank again. Hahaha. Kidding!!!! Kidding. Geez.

I love James Franco. So dreamy.

Male Jenny

2007-07-19T23:58:00.000+08:00

he calls me baby
then he wont call me
says he adores me
and then ignores me
XXX, What's the problem?

he keeps his distance
and sits on fences
puts up resistance
and builds defenses
XXX, Whats the problem?

You keep me hanging on the line
everytime you change your mind

First you say you wont
then you say you will
you keep me hanging on
but we're not moving on
we're standing still
XXX,you've got me on my knees
XXX, It's killing me

he needs his own space
he's playing mind games
ends up at my place
saying that he's changed
(XXX, what's the problem?)

I'm trying to read between the lines
you got me going out of my mind

First you say you wont
then you say you will
you keep me hanging on
but we're not moving on
we're standing still
XXX, you've got me on my knees
XXX, It's killing me

It's killing me

It's killing me

XXX

First you say you wont
then you say you will
you keep me hanging on
but we're not moving on
we're standing still
XXX, you've got me on my knees
XXX, It's killing me

First you say you wont
then you say you will
you keep me hanging on
but we're not moving on
we're standing still
XXX, you've got me on my knees
XXX, It's killing me

It's killing me

XXX

Yoyo Ma

2007-07-18T21:22:00.000+08:00

Dahil nanood ako ng Pilipinas Game Ka Na Ba kaninang umaga, nabigyan ako ng inspirasyon na magsulat gamit ang sariling wika. Kaninang tanghali, ang aking nakababatang kapatid na nag-aaral sa Estados Unidos ay nanuod ng TV. Dahil sawa na sya sa mga programang banyaga, wala syang pinapanuod ngayon kundi mga palabas na lokal.
Nung nakita ko si Edu Manzano, doon ko lang nalaman na laos na pala sya. Sino ba naman ang papayag na maging anawnser o host sa ganung klaseng palabas at pumapayag pang sumayaw minsan minsan sa programa? Kawawa namang Edu.
Isa sa mga tanong kanina ay ano ang mga salitang kaparehas ng kahulugan sa salitang "TAMA." At ako, sa kabobohan ko'y walang naisip. Yung babaeng nakasagot ay nagbigay ng salitang "WASTO." Tama! At doon ko lang natandaan ang salitang iyon. Iwawasto ko ang inyong mga papel. Winasto ni: Atchoo. Oo nga naman. Corrected by. I will check your papers. Wala lang.

It's just sad that we're no longer able to recall words we used to know a long time ago in a jiffy. I mean, I know what wasto means. Well, I SORT of know what it means. Whatevs.

I just want to say, how do you describe Bach's Cello Suite No. 1? Or Chopin's Piano Concerto No.1 Op.11 E Minor 2nd Mvt Romanza? I mean, how do you put the music into words? Do you just write down the notes and let the reader see for himself? What if the reader doesn't know how to read notes or isn't that good of a musical person to recognize a masterpiece without hearing it first? Such questions are bothering me right now. How the hell do you describe music??? Hay.

2007-07-17T21:51:00.001+08:00

Your Pimp Name Is...

Ms. Tease

What's Your Pimp Name?

2007-07-17T21:11:00.001+08:00

You Are 50% Boyish and 50% Girlish

You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch.
Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes.
You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them.
You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.

How Boyish or Girlish Are You?

Gravity

2007-07-16T22:36:00.000+08:00

Gravity is working against me

And gravity wants to bring me

down

Oh I'll never know what makes this man
With all the love that his heart can stand
Dream of ways to throw it all away

Oh Gravity

is working against me

And gravity

wants to bring me down

Oh twice as much aint twice as good
And can't sustain like a one half could
It's wanting more
That's gonna send me to my knees

Oh gravity,

stay the hell away from me

And gravity has taken better men than me

Now how can that be?

Just keep me where the light is

Just keep me where the light is

Keep you all where the light is

Just keep us where the light is

Oh, where the light is

Take heart!

2007-07-15T19:11:00.000+08:00

I am cutting class tomorrow so that I can make primp up for the photoshoot. Hehe. Vanity is truly a sin. Ever seen Devil's Advocate? Yes. I love Keanu!!!!!

Harry Potter 5 sucked ass. The only cool scene was the fighting scene with the power balls. Dumbledore throwing an energy ball at Voldemort and Voldemort absorbing the ball , controlling it and throwing it back to Dumbledore!! Seriously. Even the scenery wasn't that good. Does anyone remember the 3rd movie? That Scottish lake? Hello? Cho Chang is so ugleh. Man, how can Harry Potter like someone like her? Talk about the Oriental rage. Apparently, whites/caucasians have a thing for Asians these days. If you're white and you have an asian partner, you're cool and hip and in. Whatever!

Ate lunch with the Logkada yesterday at Pasto. Keken, VaNeale, Aidz and Ives. Yep. The thing after got cancelled cause everyone made plans na pala. So Sad. Yes. With a capital S. Headed over to my stylist to get a haircut. Went to Greenbelt after, had oysters and fish with Chess and then watched the horrible so not worth it movie, Harry Potter 5. Luna Lovegood looks like a survivor from Village of the Damned starring Kirstie Alley and Christopher Reeve. Ugh. The last movie Superman made before he got paralyzed. So Sad. Capital S ulit. Freaky hair. Hehe.

Hasya is coming home August 3, Friday!!! Yay! I can't wait. She's actually going to be here for my 21st birthday.

The corny Harry Potter 5 speeches keep intruding my thoughts. Yak. Haha. The power of love and friendship is sooo overrated. Seriously.

Is someone bitter here?

thesis = no social life

2007-07-08T23:42:00.000+08:00

I have to submit a ten page paper tomorrow for my thesis class. I swear to God there's something wrong with my room. I saw an ipis yesterday. I tried to kill it but I was so grossed out I just took the dog with me and stayed on top of my bed. Yes. I let the damn cockroach be. I had the room fumigated today with BAYGON and it now stinks like ass. Am I getting high or something??? Cause I feel a bit woozy and I did not have rum tonight.

And no, Chess. I don't drink every night.

I'm so not used to this. Why couldn't thesis writing be by pair or something? The self-discipline needed in writing a good paper is something I don't really have right now probably because HEROES season 1 is staring me at the face. At the same time, I bought some dibidis that's prolly gonna last till August. Yes. I have no time for TV during the weekdays.

For one of my classes, I'm supposed to have read the whole RAMAYANA text by tonight for the quiz tomorrow. There are six books, each book containing roughly around 70 chapters each. I just want to roll over and die like my dog. When's all this going to end?

Aside from that, I just broke my no rice rule and ate carbs. Yep. After Three days of dieting. Damn it!!! I so do not want my face to look like a siopao for the photo shoot. Boo hoo.

I want my slims.

school life sucks. can't wait to get out. and when i do, i get to bum for at least five months.

Ten Reasons Why I Should Have Stayed in Management

2007-07-08T03:41:00.000+08:00

1. More airconditioned Management classrooms
2. Easier papers and reports
3. Cute guys
4. Everyone I know is in Management anyway.
5. They have their own friggin' "mall."
6. Less "deep" and philosophical. Hehe. This is mean.
7. Better job opportunities
8. Less readings
9. More classes with Euge, Ken and Kimi.
10. PHOTOSHOOT FOR YEARBOOK IS AT AUGUST PA. NOT JULY. damn it.

Now tell me what the hell I'm doing here!!!!

My dog just shat, damn it. Must clean.

I Got Me Some Shia. How bout you?

2007-07-06T11:26:00.000+08:00

I am online doing nothing.

Actually, I'm printing the first few chapters of Book One of the Ramayana even though I actually need the Six Books for later. Printing is actually expensive if you think about it. You waste so much time waiting for it to finish and end up surfing the net checking out things you're not supposed to be doing at the moment.

I can't believe Fely and I did the same thing to Chess! Hahaha. Great men think alike? Well, I got me some Shia LaBeouf last Wednesday and I am happy. Josh Duhamel pa. Since Euge doesn't want to watch Die Hard this afternoon, I will go to Metrowalk instead and buy old movies. Whatta loser.

Had a weird conversation last night. It's best not to mention who the person was but man oh man. People are definitely asking around about our friendly neighborhood spider, if you know what I mean. Such sad sad lives.

I lost 2 pounds! Must lose 10 pounds by July 16!!! Grad pic, taena mo! Ang panget ng sched ko. Stupid scheduling.

Was watching MTV. What the hell is tuliro???? Spongecola, ang deep naman.

Teenagers

2007-07-02T23:20:00.000+08:00

They're gonna clean up your looks
With all the lies in the books
To make a citizen out of you
Because they sleep with a gun
And keep an eye on you, son
So they can watch all the things you do

Because the drugs never work
They gonna give you a smirk
'Cause they got methods of keeping you clean
They gonna rip up your heads,
Your aspirations to shreds
Another cog in the murder machine

They say that teenagers scare the living shit out of me
They could care less as long as someone will bleed
So darken your clothes or strike a violent pose
Maybe they'll leave you alone, but not me

The boys and girls in the clique
The awful names that they stick
You're never gonna fit in much, kid
But if you're troubled and hurt
What you got under your shirt
We'll make them pay for the things that they did

They say that teenagers scare the living shit out of me
They could care less as long as someone will bleed
So darken your clothes or strike a violent pose
Maybe they'll leave you alone, but not me

They say that teenagers scare the living shit out of me
They could care less as long as someone will bleed
So darken your clothes or strike a violent pose
Maybe they'll leave you alone, but not me

Teenagers scare the living shit out of me
They could care less as long as someone will bleed
So darken your clothes or strike a violent pose
Maybe they'll leave you alone, but not me

What I've Done

2007-07-02T23:06:00.000+08:00

In this farewell
There’s no blood
There’s no alibi
‘Cause I’ve drawn regret
From the truth
Of a thousand lies

So let mercy come
And wash away

What I’ve done

I’ve faced myself
To cross out what I’ve become
Erase myself
And let go of what I’ve done

Put to rest
What you thought of me
Well I cleaned this slate
With the hands
Of uncertainty

So let mercy come
And wash away

What I’ve done

I’ve faced myself
To cross out what I’ve become
Erase myself
And let go of what I’ve done

For what I’ve done
I’ll start again
And whatever pain may come
Today this ends
I’m forgiving what I’ve done

I’ve faced myself

To cross out what I’ve become

Erase myself

And let go of what I’ve done

What I’ve done

Forgiving what I’ve done

wake up!

2007-06-26T22:39:00.000+08:00

Dead tired. Can't believe I'm already doing stupid lists of what to do.

Wednesday:

lit analysis and annotated bibliography for thesis course
3 readings for litcrit1
bhagavad gita quiz

Thursday:

Illiad Quiz?
Theo readings and quiz?
Philo readings, graded recitation, paper

ugh. and I'm drowning, damn it!

Big Girls Don't Cry

2007-06-24T23:04:00.000+08:00

The smell of your skin lingers on me now
Your probably on your flight back to your home town
I need some shelter of my own protection baby
To be with myself and center, clarity
Peace, Serenity

I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, Myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But Ive got to get a move on with my life
Its time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry

Don't cry

Don't cry

Don't cry

The path that I'm walking
I must go alone
I must take the baby steps until I'm full grown
Fairytales don't always have a happy ending, do they
And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay

I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, Myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
Its time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry

Like the little school mate in the school yard
We'll play jacks and uno cards
Ill be your best friend and you'll be mine
Valentine
Yes you can hold my hand if u want to
Cause I want to hold yours too
Well be playmates and lovers and share our secret worlds
But its time for me to go home
Its getting late, dark outside
I need to be with myself and center, clarity
Peace, Serenity

I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, Myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
Its time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry

Don't cry

Don't cry

Don't cry

Stay Away

2007-06-22T23:25:00.000+08:00

Stay away from my friends
They're smooth operators
Looking for a way in
Stay away from me tonight
I've made other plans
And you'll just me distracting me
In a good way

She doesn't know that I love her
Yes I love her

She doesn't know
that I love her

Make a move on me baby
I can't be the one who's always taking chances
See me down so you get down
No you've got me all wrong
I just want to kiss your lips
And you kiss back

Leave us alone
Your friends and my friends
Should go far away

thesis ko pano na

2007-06-20T20:40:00.000+08:00

After one week of class, I can say I'm already dreading the months to come. I've been going to school early and leaving at around six because of research. The library will be my new home this semester (and next semester as well, for sure).

Been staying at the SOM mall these past few days. Kaon Ta's really popular. I was eating that poultry dish they serve there when I suddenly noticed these girls standing near my table. They were talking about the food I was eating and were wondering where I got it. "Where did she buy that kaya?" "It looks good, noh?" "Onga, eh." "But where?" "Go ask her kaya?" "You na." "Ikaw na lang." "Fine." I heard everything. Geez. Haha. So one girl tapped me on the shoulder and asked me where I bought the food I was eating. Sobrang stupid, mehn.

I still owe Enrique and Kiko. I also have Ken's money with me. Damn. Next time, I'll bring a camera to school. You'll never know when you're going to hang out with your friends in an small enclosed room that suspiciously smells like feet. Good times. Can't believe we're (hopefully) graduating this school year. Gash. Yeah. Feel the wound in my heart. Haha.

Play on words. Did you get it? Never mind.

Bizarre Love Triangle

2007-06-15T21:54:00.000+08:00

Everytime I think of you

I feel shot right through with a bow of gloom.
It's no problem of mine but it's a problem I find
living a life that I can't leave behind.
There's no sense in telling me the wisdom of a fool won't set you free.
But that's the way that it goes and it's what nobody knows and every day my confusion grows.

Everytime I see you falling

I get down on my knees and pray

I'm waiting for that final moment you'll say the words that I can't say.

I feel fine and I feel good
I'm feeling like I never should.
When ever I get this way

I just don't know what to say.

Why can't we be ourselves like we were yesterday.

I'm not sure what this could mean.

I don't think you're what you seem.

I do admit to myself that if I hurt someone else then I'll never see just what we're meant to be.

Everytime I see you falling I get down on on my knees and pray.
I'm waiting for that final moment you'll say the words that I can't say.
Everytime I see you falling I get down on my knees and pray.
I'm waiting for that final moment

you'll say the words that I can't say.

Because I Do Things Last Minute

2007-06-06T18:05:00.000+08:00

What am I going to write about for my THESIS?!?!

TANGINA, MAN.

Why does everyone have their topics prepared already?!?!?! And to think the First Semester hasn't even started yet!!! WTF?!?!

DumDumDumDumDum

2007-05-27T21:15:00.000+08:00

Spent the day eating and going around the mall. Thank God my Globe line is back. Damn 12k. Dad's pretty pissed it reached that high! Haha. Oh well. Not my fault my internet connection automatically goes online whenever someone sends me an MMS.

So, I'm going to Mindanao this week and well, boring stuff coming my way. Hay naku. Dili ko kalaag. Someone can't make it kasi. So it's a flight to Cebu and then short boat trip to Dumaguete then on to Dipolog! Hope we visit the beach. Want to see how they've fixed the place up. Hope it's developed na.

At least I have lots of books to read. I haven't finished The Corrections, some super long book Sahia's making me read. Hmmm. Wonder if it's any good. Miko has some books as well.

I want a new Vaio laptop. Hay nako. And a new AC. She's not performing so well. Ever since like, a certain someone dropped it. Ack. I'm thinking of convincing the parents to sell all the old PCs and buy new ones. Watching Goal right now. Why do Mexicans somewhat look like Filipinos? I mean, Santiago's lola looks like some lola here. Hahaha. Maybe because Mexico and the Philippines were both once glorious colonies of Spain before big bad "anti-terrorist" America took control of the "PI?"

Still. Main point is that I want a new Sony laptop. And a matching phone to boot. Kidding. I'm happy with my phone. Just want a new lappie. I got my old iPod. It's still broken. Taena. All those songs. One thousand!!! Sob. I don't think I can download and remember all those songs. And the playlists! Hay nako. Stupid me. Di kasi nagbaback up.

The summer semester is finally over. Thank God. My parents just got my 2nd semester grades. For someone living super near Ateneo, it's pretty weird how my grades come in pretty late na. Oh whale. They're not too pleased. May C daw kasi. Even though puro B and A pa. Stupid. So hard to please people. Lit is not easy, you know! Dad thinks Lit is for dummies. Hahaha. I guess I am a dummy then. Who will take over his company? Evil laugh. Komedya ra, bitaw!

Smallville

2007-05-20T22:19:00.000+08:00

After a month and a half of toiling away and the occasional lunch with either Chess or Kimi, I'm glad to say that I have a week to go before vacation starts all over again. And this is what I'm looking forward to. While most bakasyonistas are dreading the end of summer, I have something left to look forward to. After all, what's a vacation without not having to get through so much in order to have one?

My dog died recently. She was really old and died of old age. What's sad about it was that I had gone out with Chess the day before and was "bragging" about my dog who despite her old old age, could still catch rats, bite the lbc delivery guy and scare the hell out of street children who hang around outside the gates to my house. And the next day, she was gone. Wtf. One of the alatest moments of my life. And this time, I couldn't blame the maids or anyone else for the death of poor Christine. She was just too damn old.

My mom actually cried. Despite Tintin having bitten a few people during the prime of her life and us having to pay the passers-by "quiet money" and making them sign contracts (yes, we are evil), Mom liked Christine after all. Back in third grade, I had an obsession with "Christi" so I named all my dogs that. Christine. Christopher. Christy. Christa. And yes. Even CHRISTIAN. They were all pups of Christine. I sort of forgot that my mom's best friend is also named Christine. So Mom and I had a big fight about it but it was already too late. Christine had learned her name.

So Mom felt guilty when Tintin died and bought a golden retriever who's so damn cute! She's only two months old and I can tell right now that she's going to be a biter. She's gonna grow big, too. Her paws are sorta big and well, so is her head. I wonder if she'll break Charles' record of delivery guys/passers-by/street children he's bitten and bite even more people.

Lana's fine now. She had been on medication for two weeks. Thank God she's doing well na. Crazy dog... Hay. Lana's the female labrador while Charles is the male one. Anyhow, by next week, Lana might be able to stay in the house again. Yay.

If we buy another retriever, this time around, we're going to name it either Lex or Clark. I wanted Whitney cause he was hot but he died. But! Yes. We love Superman. Don't you?

2007-05-13T19:11:00.001+08:00

my dog just died.

what a way to start the week. fuck it.

Shy People Should Have Rights, Too!

2007-05-07T14:36:00.000+08:00

Ever wonder why there are rules in classrooms like "No Talking" or "Be quiet while others are speaking?" There are always rules protecting other people's rights to be heard and to speak out. When someone is speaking or reciting, everyone has to listen to them. It is through our silence and attention that we show our respect towards these people.

If this is so, why then don't we have equal rights for people who do not wish to speak out in class? If we respect other people's choice to speak and be heard, shouldn't we respect other people's choice to just listen to what others are saying? The noisy girl in class is chastised for being too talkative while the shy girl is encouraged and at times, FORCED to speak out.

There's nothing wrong with not being verbose. It doesn't necessarily mean that the talkative and more outgoing people learn more than the ones who are not as willing to express themselves. Being short and concise shouldn't be a bad thing.

Some quotes that come to mind are "Brevity is the soul of wit" and "More matter with less art." There is nothing more meaningful than something brief and concise.

Shy people should have rights, too.

Hangover? I don't think so.

2007-05-01T12:22:00.000+08:00

After three weeks of no internet, I'm finally back. God. When I thought I couldn't live without internet anymore, yun pala, I could. Opened my email accounts and saw I had more than 800 emails. damn it. still deleting the stupid ones right now. Damn group messages.

Yes, Chess. They put whisky in our midori drinks.

Went out with Chess last Saturday. Finally saw Khristian and his moves. Damn! Khristian dances way better than someone else. Haha. Embassy was okay naman. Weed's friend got us in as VIPs. Hmmm. I think Khristian and I were the only people who weren't wasak. Chess definitely was and prior to Emba, Weed already was! Haha. What did they put in our Ecstacy drink? I have no idea, Chess. But I know you shouldn't have mixed your drinks kasi. Ayan tuloy.

Basically got home at around 4:30 in the morning. Had to shower pa and all. Haha. Wonder how Khristian got home by himself. His partner in crime, the ever present Noel, was actually absent!

The weekend before last, also went out with Chess and somehow bumped into Khristian at Greenbelt. Can I just say that Mark Wahlberg is hot? Hahahaha. Marky mark, me like your Calvin Klein ads but more importantly, I liked his hot bod in Shooter.

Chatting with Chess right now and craving craving craving Congee!!! Oh man!

Stay Away

2007-04-10T02:21:00.000+08:00

i had a dream sunday morning.

so, setting. the world is a pile of ruins and it is being ruled by some sort of military, oppressive and unfair. however, a bunch of rebels stand up to this "army." they are considered as criminals and renegades and i am one of those rebels.

i'm being sent to an execution camp because i was captured by the army. i'm escorted by these tiny ships that look like small staplers. check out minority report. there's this vehicle there that looks like a stapler. and no. i didn't watch minority report before i went to bed. last time i saw it was two years ago. anyhow, these things can float and hover? ngek. same difference. we cross the ocean. the sky is yellow orange but dark as wll. think 300. the rebels are wearing black while the military dogs wear dark green uniforms. as we near the execution camp, a group of rebels approach us in motorcycles that can fly? think the island. they attack and a battle ensues. a lot of the rebels die but only one is left. olivia santos. weird. her motorcycle-that-can-fly is destroyed and she tells me to escape with her. we start swimming in the ocean while the stapler looking machines follow us.

the military alerts its base that they were attacked and that they are pursuing us rebels who have escaped. and then there are these really big towers that can like, fire bombs. the stapler looking ships have laser pointers and when they point those things at us, the towers from so very far away fire away at wherever the laser pointer is being pointed at. but then, we have like, special powers! if we concentrate like son gokou and like, charge using our pointer finger like yusuke's rei gun (0mg. i'm such an anime dork), we also have our own laser pointers. our pointer fingers can steal the energy from the stapler ship's laser and then we have to physically direct the laser light being pointed at us away from us so that when the towers that fire bombs lock on their targets, they're not locked on us. think about playing the nintendo wii. dragonball z budokai tenkaichi 2.

the towers fire bombs three at a time with varying distance whatever. like, three bombs but then they don't land on the same spot. they're fired at the same time but the first one lands farther from us and the second nearer, etc. basta everytime the tower fires bombs, there are three and each bomb gets closer to the target. and while we're escaping, the music i hear is that by joe hisaishi, who composed the music in princess mononoke, spirited away and howl's moving castle.

so olivia and i escape and we manage to like, kill all the military people after us. but one survives and follows us. and it's rita!! she's like, part of the military!!! so we kidnap her. sorta. like, we talked and decided to eat muna at gloria so we go to rockwell. we're at the carpark near rustan's fresh. anyhow, we talk and she says she knows we have to kill her and that it's okay. so we're going up the escalator and i say before we have lunch and kill her, let's take a picture muna. olivia giggles and grabs a camera from i don't know where. i don't know why we ended up in rockwell cause there's no gloria in powerplant but it's a dream so who gives a shit? anyway, olivia takes pictures of rita and i and then i get the camera and take pictures of them. olivia and i are smiling thinking about the past, bout ateneo days and all that. but i see rita and realize her smile is forced because she knows we have to kill her. so i felt like crying cause she's my friend and i know i have to shoot her because she's now a dog of the military.

and then we talk about it. we're still on the escalator. really long escalator ride going up. don't know how that happened. anyway, she tells me to shoot her now. and i get my *rei gun* and like, point it at the side of her head, on her temple. and she's like, can you shoot me on the chin upwards? and i tell her, it hurts less if i shoot her from the side of the head. don't know how i knew that. and she asks me how would i know. i shrug. olivia is killing the military people who have found our location and are also on the escalator. rita tells me she's holding us back and that we will get caught if we don't flee now. i see she's holding a really small handgun and before i could stop her, she puts it below her chin and shoots herself.

and i wake up.

Bee Ef

2007-04-09T23:11:00.000+08:00

After a brief respite, I am blogging again. Don't really know what to write about except for what's been going on lately.

I saw Mar today. What a pleasant surprise. Went "grocery shopping" with my cousin at Sleven a while ago and saw her there. Oh man. I remember the days when I used to spend Saturday nights with comrades, buying "stuff" from Sleven and enjoying it later on at either the soccer field or at Bettina's house. We'd all still be in our uniforms lugging our beloved rifles around.

I need someone to enroll for me. My maid is already freaking out because she doesn't know what the hell CTC is and where it's at. Hopefully, my contact comes through for me. I'm not treating him to lunch for nothing, you know. Any lunch he wants. Even eat all you can as long as it doesn't go beyond 1k. I wonder how my grades are. Some tweaking was done though. But that's just a rumor. Wink.

It's disappointing how some people pull others down just to make themselves better. Like, if someone graduated valedictorian in some high school outside of Metro Manila, it'd still be different from let's say, an Atenean A-boy. I mean, being an A boy is no mean feat. It's hard work and it's an achievement in itself. If you graduate valedictorian from a batch of sixty, then that would mean if there were sixty of us in MY batch back in AC, then I'd have a bigger chance of being top 20, right? Haha. I'm just saying. Ateneans compete with not just A but with B, C, D up till section O. That's 45 students per class. 15 sections! That's 675 students you're competing with! Come on. 675 vs. 60? Graduating valedictorian is great. No doubt about that. But you don't need to harp on other people's achievements and make theirs lesser than yours just to make yourself feel better. It's just so. . . backwards. Goes to show you can't expect the same from provincials. Haha. Evil.

Okay. Must switch off bitch mode. Being a bitch causes wrinkles. Nearing 21. Good vibes. Good vibes.

What a beautiful little chocolate man. Woo hi hi ha hoo.

Don't you just love White Chicks? Haha.

Smart-Ass

2007-03-30T00:20:00.000+08:00

I'm done with all my exams. All I have left are three friggin' papers due later and tomorrow. Okay. Just to show you how busy I am, I'm going to list down things I'm supposed to do.

Friday
Pulan paper (1)
Gym with trainer
Do Elmo papers (2)

Saturday
Submit Elmo papers
Grad Duty for ROTC
Glenne's Party at New Manila
Faith's Dinner at her house
Thea's Graduation
Thea's Grad Dinner
Appointment with Hairstylist
and a House Visit at Chess' (if I'm still invited)

So I have to do the Elmo papers and the Pulan paper. I also have to show up at the gym or Jonski will kill me. I promised Thea I'd go to her thing, too. Although I did promise to go to the dinner lang. Hmmm. I told my ROTC friends I might volunteer as long as I finish my papers on time. They're due at 1900h.

So which ones should I do? Yak. That sounds awful. Haha. Sorta? If you don't understand, then we're not on the same wavelength. I have a feeling Fely will get it right away. Anyway, Pulan paper pa! And I haven't started. Haha. La lang. Just wanted to post something. . . I'm leaning towards Submit Elmo, go get a haircut, go to Glenne's, drop by Thea's dinner then go to Chess' place? My, my. Busy girl. If not, I'll just go out with someone at night. Watch a movie and FINALLY unwind after such a stressful week.

I've got to say one thing though. I've never been as matino as I am right now. Actually studied for EACH and EVERY exam. I actually read ALL the readings. Surprisingly, I don't feel any smarter. Wonder why.

flip!

2007-03-26T00:50:00.000+08:00

my best friend is finally leaving the tiny island full of little brown people and returning to white man's land. yes. she is finally doing it. returning to her ancestors' lands and leaving all the half breeds (m _) and confused filipinos of chinese descent (f _ _ _) in this god forsaken land. boo hoo. and she won't be returning any time soon. there's nothing more worse than that. i wanna do a romeo. drink poison and stab myself with a dagger. probably stab myself with the pen chess will be using to sign her documents that'll get her out of here legally. besides, white people don't do TNT-ing. not their thing. so not white. so filipino. just kidding, chess. we know you're a chocolade fudge twinky on the inside. white on the outside, dark on the inside!!!

i'll be seeing you

2007-03-23T20:21:00.001+08:00

another lit paper trashed. my esteem is like so gone. don't even have confidence anymore. i think my teacher doesn't like the way i write. i think the problem with me is that i take things to heart. like that comment on blah blah blah is relatively new. and then he circled the phrase relatively new and wrote down, "define relatively new. what do you mean by this?" do i have to make my paper one hundred pages long just so that i get to define almost every phrase?

haha. i'm such a loser. home on a friday doing papers. i'm still reading for litcrit. can't start my paper without reading ehhh. hay. feminism sucks. there are three kinds of feminists. there's the butch, the liberal and well, i still don't get the third one. but i have a feeling that the most radical one is the butch... they are called butch because they are almost like men except for the fact that they are bitter about not having that thing guys have. yes. penis envy. i was watching blade trinity last night. yes i was awake and was watching how hot ryan reynolds was in that movie and at the same time, admiring jessica biel's super tight bod. and no, i am not crushing on her. she must have really worked out. i was cheking out her cuts and grabeh! her arms were so whoa!!!! i wonder how many hours she worked out every day. her fight scenes were a bit awkward pero pwede na. the other day, i also watched stealth. she was also there. if i were a guy, i would go for her. forget jessica alba. jessica biel is the bomb! the sweet home alabama guy was also there! i love the color of his eyes. back to penis envy. ryan reynolds' character was being his oh so sarcastic self and insulted parker posey's character and she admitted she was jealous that they had you know. because she didn't have one and never will. anyway, if a feminist saw this entry, they'd probably make me katay or something.

so right now, i'm taking a break. i ate ramen again and kimchi and then salmon. hmmmm. i'm so full. i don't want to go to school tomorrow but i'm going to have to. damn it. extra session for one of my classes. i'm freaked out because my grades are so unpredictable right now. i only know that i'm getting at least a B in one of my classes. everything else = question mark. i hope elmo doesn't fail me. cause that'd suck. kaye and i were talking. he's cute for a teacher. hahaha. for a teacher. what an insult. but he has itsura ahhh. well, may itsura but that's it.

i have a blockmate i'm a bit pissed at. he seems user friendly and well, i think he doesn't think well of me? or think much of me? i've never really cared for other people's opinions but that's because i've always been secure about my position when it comes to relationships. like in my old block, i knew who i wanted as friends and who i should stay clear of. basically, i didn't really care about anyone else except those who mattered. but these days, i've been so insecure lately. like, in american idol. that girl haley doesn't get much cheers from the crowd when her name's called. like, when the small guy ryaN? not sure. when he announces, haley, you're not in the bottom three, no one really claps for her. i feel that way in my stupid block. like, when i'm called to recite a poem or do something in front of the whole class, no one cheers me on except for kaye. hahahaha. am i that unlikeable? but if i were, why do i have friends? do my friends therefore put up with me? because i have something they want or i know someone they want to know or whatever?

hay. insecurities. shifting to another course can be emotionally draining. it's like you're plucked out of your secure world and placed elsewhere. it really sucks.

so that guy. i don't like him and all but it's just sort of bastos that when i ask him a question, it's like he doesn't take me seriously. i was NOT the one kicked out of my course. he was? i chose to leave? there's a distinction there? call it pride but there's still a difference there? i might not be as well read but hello? i'm sure i have something he doesn't?

too bad he crushes on one of my friends. if i weren't a good person, i'd have badmouthed that user friendly prick to his crush. just pissed at what happened yesterday when i asked him a question and he totally ignored me. it's weird cause during the first day of class, he seemed very friendly. will definitely dig around for dirt.

yeah. KSP ako.

so shoot me.

the night is young . . .

2007-03-22T21:53:00.000+08:00

i'm watching men in tights right now. god i love this movie. first crush ever: cary elwes. princess bride. hahaha. oh man.

"achtung! no ding ding without a wedding ring." - marian's maid

missing you

2007-03-22T17:12:00.000+08:00

having just one class every day sucks.

i just realized i haven't seen ken the whole week.

finals are coming up and the papers just keep on piling on. i hate it.

cheers to me. if i make it.

birthday nga pala ng shobe ko. happy birthday shobe. hope you are happy there abandoning me here in the house all by myself while the whole family and your whole barkada are having fun under the sun. birthday wish: sana achie mo will lose weight. meaning me. haha. selfless birthday wish. sana magkatotoo.

define relatively new

2007-03-21T16:16:00.000+08:00

had my defense today. teacher basically trashed my paper. said it didn't have anything to do with literature. asked if it was actually literature. of course it is. it has something to do with literature. they are freakin' poems and essays and short stories. of course i researched. i even went to the chinese department and looked for literature.

i guess it's just really tough. kaye said i focused too much on the social/economic/political aspects. i should have made my paper more literary, applying theories like post colonialism, said's orientalism or i don't know what else. marxism? i don't know what to do. it's our final exam for god's sake. this is so frustrating because i have no idea what he wants. maybe i should just shoot myself and die right now.

just kidding.

anyway, list of things to do:

24: literary criticism make up
26: feminism paper
western lit paper no. 4
philo final exams
28: literary criticism final exams
western lit paper no. 5
western lit final exams
30: marxism paper pass 2
final research paper pass 2

aside from that, i have to entertain the guests. because some of them will be staying in my room. damn you spanish people for inviting yourselves in our home! spanish people from cebu have the most kapal faces of all! aside from my cousin and her children who are from there. and to think the only reason they're coming here is so that my dad who ONLY eats at chinese restaurants (except the occasional japanese) will make them libre good food. excuse me. we are not a charity house ahhh. and why don't you eat your own kind of food? get fat on paella or something? so now, the guest room's reserved for them. . . so all the beds in my room are going to be used by other guests. damn it!!!!!! final exam week po ito! i have no time to be nice and make space for people during exams. i am a bitch during exams week. the room must be super clean. it must smell a certain way. and tea must be served every three hours unless by request. taena. hassle!!!!!!!!!!!

went to gateway with kaye today. had fun. we should have more of those in the future.

i want to watch because i said so, pathfinder and transformers. and maybe that new mark wahlberg movie. anything with blood and gore, i'm game. don't want to think anymore.

diet pills?!?!

2007-03-19T23:49:00.000+08:00

sign ups for philo orals was today. i figured since sign ups was going to go on for a week, i'd have a slot for a wednesday or tuesday or something. so i didn't go to school early. instead, i went at 2 in the afternoon. when i got there, there weren't any slots available!!! except monday! i have a freakin' paper due on monday. and i have a final exam for pulan that day as well. argh!! i just wanted to pull out all my hair or cut my hair short again! yes. when i am frustrated, i feel the need to cut my hair short or whatever. i'm a psycho. so shoot me.

i dont even know my standing in some of my classes. i just want to cry! argh. the stress is killing me. the stress is so much that it's manifesting itself physically. last week, i barely had enough sleep. i did all nighters for god's sake. so now, the parents are accusing me of taking diet pills! because of the way i look! what the fuck! taena noh! i don't take diet pills. and yeah. i haven't been eating cause i've been too busy worrying about studies and running around the freakin' library and the chinese department looking for material bout my damn paper on filipino chinese literature. sue me!!!!! you want me to get back into yosi and all that?!?!?!

i'm so pissed and stressed i wanna cry... i have a paper due tomorrow and i can't get past the plot cause the book thingy is like a freakin tele nobela!!! never ending twists and turns and drama!!!! ang haba haban. i've already reached six pages and still stuck in the plot! ayoko na.

the family's leaving for cebu tomorrow with my shobe who is going to celebrate her birthday. i feel so left out and wala.... this year bombs.

and what's this i hear about other alatness????

save me...

no sleep

2007-03-18T19:27:00.000+08:00

super alat week last week. i don't know how i just survived it. . . i mean,i literally didn't get any sleep. woke up two hours ago from sleeping before 12 midnight last night. and honestly, it ain't enough for me!

i have three more papers to do this week and lastly, 3 final exams. 2 of which are written. after that, i'm home free!

my brother's friends have stayed here for more than a week na. it's going on two weeks. yeah. they practically live here. but it's fine. it's just sorta weird when i have to go to their room and ask for facial soap or whatever. cause they're all there. wonder how they fit though. they've literally taken over the guest room, the formal living room and of course, the other living room with the tv. they've been watching house nonstop and other series.

i want to watch dexter!!! but right now, i'm just too busy watching tw drama. oh. and i bought this dvd from metrowalk cause my brothers egged me on to buy it. rob-b-hood? it's jackie chan so don't judge me! we all love his movies. secretly. hahaha.

ohyeah. a word of advice. don't mention your teachers' names on your blogs cause they know this program or site where all the blogs that mention their names come out or show up. yeah. so be careful. marami na nahuli because of that. . . . yeah. teachers are the best.

why are boys now prettier than me?

2007-03-15T20:43:00.000+08:00

Had an open mic session a while ago. We had to make poems on the spot based on the items placed on the teacher's table. Individual pa. It was pretty hard considering my classmates are all very good. Anyhow, here's my poem. This is for you! You know who you are.

The objects placed on the teacher's table were a can of Coke, an Ipod, an umbrella, a brush, a magazine with three pretty girls on the cover and an Asian magazine with some Japanese pretty boy as the cover model.

Coca Cola's become
The water I drink
The Ipod
My new Walkman
Umbrellas have become hats
While brushes are still the same
So much has changed
Yet some things haven't
Girls are still beautiful

So why the hell are boys now prettier than me?

sad face.

Zen Me Ban?

2007-03-15T02:59:00.000+08:00

I've been watching this show where this girl dresses up as some guy in an exlusive male boarding school just to meet her idol, an athlete who studies there. It's pretty funny. there are fifteen episodes but I've only gotten till episode nine which sucks! I guess what's getting me going is that the guy is just soooo HOT. Like, hottie hot.

I have two more papers to do. One's due on Friday while the other's due on Saturday. It's pretty funny cause I haven't even started doing an outline of the damn research paper I have that's due on Saturday! I don't know what it's going to be about and it's a research paper, ha! I hope I'm in the right frame of mind Friday night to do the damn thing.

If all goes well, I'm thinking I might have my western lit exam Thursday next week. That way, I'll only have the Lit Crit final exam and the Philo oral exam to worry about come finals week. If that happens, I'm guessing my mom's going to make me attend this cable show from the 27th till the 30th. Food, researching and boring talks. Boo hoo.

It's literally vacation time in the house right now. My brothers all have friends over. Some are sleeping over for about a week. Yes. It's non-stop partying for them playing PS2, Nintendo Wii, Xbox and whatever else they have like those cute gameboy ds-es. Damn, I want one! My brother drank today. He bought beer from this restaurant across the street. I have a feeling those people are druggies. Actually, they ARE druggies. Their place has already been raided by the police and they were shut down. They're at a residential area. I don't know what they're doing there! What if they're selling drugs to high school students like my brother? Personally, I don't care if he does drugs. I guess these days, nothing shocks my anymore. Ha Ha. BUT what I'm worried about is if those pothead dealers follow my brother home.

Yeah, yeah. I know I'm being paranoid but what if, right? It'd be too freaky! What if they all murder us while they're high? Remember Idle Hands?

Ziggy Marley concert next week! Yeah. And oh. One year in China? Ha ha ha. Oh, mehn.

He wishes for the Cloths of Heaven

2007-03-13T00:42:00.000+08:00

"He wishes for the Cloths of Heaven"
W.B. Yeats

Had I the heavens' emroidered cloths
Enwrought with golden and silver light
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half-light
I would spread the cloths under your feet:

But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under you feet;

Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.

gaya gaya-er

2007-03-11T23:49:00.000+08:00

12 - philo paper

13 - lit126.2 reporting/quiz

14 - lit112.2 paper

17 - lit101 final paper

15 - lit161 final paper

20 - lit161 oral presentation of paper

21 - lit101 defense for final paper

24 - lit101 final exam

26 - lit112.2 final exam

27 - lit126.2 final exam

*ph102 oral exam - TBA

angsty

2007-03-11T05:24:00.000+08:00

did nothing today but bumm around. i still feel heady.i think i'm coming down with something. i want some white wine, man. my head hurts so bad. it's like, when i blink my eyes or close them really hard, masaket! i can't get sick this week. i have lots of major papers due including my final exam paper for 101 and pulan's class. plus, i have a philo paper to do and some 126.2 reporting. gad. haven't even started with 161's paper. it's that last spurt before finals and i'm dying right now.

plus i'm having problems sleeping because of . . i don't know. anxiety? i feel like any moment now, i'm going to go crazy and actually slit my throat. yeah. i've given up on the whole swallowing liquid sosa if i want to kill myself obsession. don't even know what the hell sosa is except for the fact that it burns your esophagus and stomach and even though you drink a lot of it, there's still a possibility that you will live. god. why am i so weird? there's nothing more common than being feeling suicidal during your college years. which i'm really not. feeling lang.

life is so depressing. i hate my course and i hate it that everyone hates it too. tangina ba't ang bobo ko? my dad is pressuring me to go to law school and i sorta did want to go ever since i was a kid but then, i don't want to go just because i feel so stupid in my course. like, ano labas ko when i graduate? teacher? yeah, right. you're going to bring "honour" to your family by being a teacher, man. so not going to happen. the thing is, if i'm just going to law school to add crap on my resume, why bother? i have a feeling they're going to stick me in mindanao anyway and make my handle two or three of our branches there. holy shit... i feel so lacking right now. everyone's learning practical stuff in management. and i am learning how to write damn good research papers. mannnnnnnn, don't be surprised when we have reunions fifteen years right now and you're all successful businessmen and women while i'm just a teacher. holy fuck! the pride!!! i don't want to be JUST a teacher.

the future is crashing down on my shoulders. i have nowhere to go. it's like, my life in lit is all planned out. there is only one road to success and that's if i go to law school. if i don't, i'm just a teacher. faith was right. there's no money in lit.

i just want this week to be over. oh gad. i keep on looking over my shoulder. i am so nervous tonight. i watched true asian horror at around 3 in the morning a while ago. freaked me out. thank you sadako and phone and all those famous japanese and korean horror movies. it's almost six in the morning and i'm still up. i can't bring myself to lie on the bed because it hurts too much. swallowing hurts my throat and i have a huge zit on my cheek. fuck.

i also have a bad feeling about someone right now. don't know what's wrong but i think it's going to blow up on my face someday.

it's times like this that i just want to get drunk or high or i don't know what and just forget about everything. the weight off my shoulders. swimming in clouds sorta thing.

it's almost sunrise. god, kill me now.

poke poke

2007-03-10T02:56:00.000+08:00

i can't sleep.

sorta feel heady.

i wonder why. . . kaye knows. hahaha.

chess, fely! let's go out. and yeah. i've seen pursuit of happYness na. it's okay. plays on the emotions talaga of people. atticus comes to mind. and yes, chess. he's the guy in tkamb.

2007-03-09T02:55:00.000+08:00

i think i have to say it again. 300 is so cool. i love the action, the cinematography, gerard butler and the blood and gore! taena. pang movie house talaga. don't you dare try buying dibidi lang cause you'll definitely be missing a lot! god. play by play of the comic book talaga! like constantine. there are certain shots in the movie that really did come out in the comic book. galeeeeng.

they so did not sacrifice the originality of the work unlike spider-man and x-men. god. and there was this hot keanu-ish character pa who dies anyway cause his head gets cut off. the captain of the spartans looked like achilles' captain in troy. hmmm. wonder if they're the same actor. . . god. it was distracting din. wonder why?! i once again stress and reiterate. watch on the big screen little boys and girls. you will not see their washboard-obviously spray painted abs in a tiny tv. argh!!!! yummeh.

the killing and fighting sorta got me hyped up. i wanna train na! who's with me? aidz? you want? don't we get to train for free cause we won medals during taek finals? yeah? yeah? weren't the women supposed to be butt ugleh or something? as fierce as the men and almost as strong as them? strange. but anyway, who cares, right?

watch watch watch... and don't you be comparing it to troy cause troy sucked ass.

300!!!!!!

2007-03-08T19:31:00.000+08:00

watched 300 today with kim, ray and euge. it was great. i loved the blood, the gore. the action. hahahaha. euge kept nudging me during those guy scenes. hahahaha. and i later found out from kim that ray was doing the same thing. wow, noh? guys are so the same everywhere anywhere.

had a speech thingy today. on the spot. it was scary! haha. like, i mispronounced a word! tangina. buti na lang i was able to correct myself just in time. anyhow, i still have to do that wikipedia article on a national artist.

chilling with kim, ray and euge was fun although i got the feeling euge was like, uncomfortable or something. cause he was so fidgety. came to the point na he just pushed me aside in the movie house because of evasion tactics. maneuvered himself very well.

so, only had one subject for the day. free cut western lit and to think i stayed up late just to do the activity. argh! kainis.

anyway, the wife of leonidas is the actress who plays guinevere in merlin. and no. not kiera knightley ha. this girl has a slightly larger chest than knightley. yes. there are nude scenes. anyway, i'm talking about the sam neil merlin? with frick (martin short) and miranda richardson who plays queen mab. anyone remember that movie? basta the adulterous wife of arthur is also adulterous in the movie. SOS.

have a paper tomorrow and i don't get it. oh well. will sleep muna. i have till five in the afternoon to submit it.

feeling state

2007-03-08T01:30:00.000+08:00

still awake doing my report on western literature. oh man. this sucks.

i went out with my cousin a while ago. went drinking to celebrate getting hired by a company. galing nya anO? so of course, i had tama. my cheeks were pink and well, you know the rest. i went running after that. became high from the endorphins swimming around. you know what they say. natural high. haha.

so after showering, started chatting. had to finish my application form for celadon. sobra pataps. i answered the wrong questions. CFA and cultural affairs should not be next to each other. so i wasted around thirty minutes. tangina. basta sabog. i hate it when my hard work goes to waste.

my stomach's grumbling right now. it friggin hurts so much but i refuse to eat. must lose weight. must LOSE a lot of weight. just in time for bora! yeah!

anyhow, argh. brushing teeth and gargling mouth wash doesn't really have any effect. i can still smell the alcohol/taste it. ugh. and it's one thirty in the morning.

spilled some iced tea on euge a while ago. bata thinks i like checking him out BUT in reality, i was looking at his arm. ken gave me a major guilt trip. harrowing experience. she said bata had some nasty looking scars on his arm because of me and that ano ba yan? i'm so evil la di da di da. so when i saw bata a while ago, i was looking at his arm! i so wasn't chekcing him out. i swear. that guy has got to minimize or lower his confidence level. before you know it, you're in some sort of state of self denial/deception. in your own world of "that person is checking me out," kinda thing.

i'm just kidding, abet. you know i luv ya!

but seriously. and why was he so hurt about the whole who's more gwapo thing? uhhh, excuse me? you are not really a guy for us girl logkadas? baket? do you look at us as girls? i don't think so! i.e. kate = chinese name is ma chu man. hahahah. yeah. very funny. everyone's laughing. heh.

cut pulan's class for ken. you so cannot call me a WAF na ah. booooo.

finally chatted with chess. fiama ah. gotta speed things up. and cebu? going there after finals week.

gotta get back to primitivism. and how civilization sucks.

pataps

2007-03-05T23:55:00.000+08:00

i have a report for tomorrow and i don't fucking care.

you know why> cause i'm so goddamned tired. my stomach is full. i am sleepy. and i would rather watch chris evans shake his stuff. cause he's hot.

i just realized how patapon people are. sobraaaa. but i don't want to admit it to myself lang. yes. doing a little bit of psychoanalysis here. it's what you call projection. you focus on other people's faults which are usually the faults you find in yourself. there it is. like, when i say, "ang pataps mo, X." somewhere there, there is also a realization that, "ang pataps mo rin, kate."

euge, why aren't you online??! wala ako hotmail. i can't access the msn group na may manga. . . . boooooo

yippie yeah yay, yippie yeah yoh

2007-03-04T22:30:00.000+08:00

watched ghost rider with the parents today. they wanted to watch music and lyrics but shobe wanted ghost rider. i wanted to watch letters from iwo jima but nooooo. we just had to watch ghost rider. hay nako. it was soooo funny. i was laughing the whole time. when movies really really suck, no matter how serious and cool they try to be, laughter can't be helped.

the lines were just so funny! i mean, when the devil said, "you will pay for this, ghost rider," i started laughing. i mean, he didn't do anything to the ghost rider. doesn't the devil have power over his minions? the ghost rider was his creation for god's sake! no pun intended. and then the scene was followed by the devil hitting his cane on the ground and disappearing. why did he suddenly disappear just like that? because it was already morning? or because they ran out of time? or because the scriptwriters just sucked?

other crazy lines in the movie that i found so corny were, "look into my eyes. the spilt blood of the innocent . . . ." i mean, come on, ghost rider. can you be scarier? you're supposed to be representing the devil, you know? honestly, i was really disappointed with marvel. it was also weird when they lathered nicolas cage's body with oil during the shower scene just to make him look shiny and buff. you can't hid the wrinkles, people. he's OLD! i like con air better. having john malkovich in the movie made things funnier.

oh man. marvel, what's going on??? please don't make the iron man movie like that. full of half baked lines and shitty sound effects. the evil laugh got me going, too. and the lightning and the xray-ed face coming out whenever lightning strikes.

if you are a marvel fan, i guess you are going to watch this movie. if you're not happy with how it came out, i guess you'll have to content yourself with looking at the low cut blouses the female lead wears in every scene. yes. she is one hot cuban. so dirty old men, be content with that. hot guy only appeared during the start of the movie. the younger version of the male lead. yes. that's it.

sauciness

2007-03-04T02:54:00.000+08:00

just ended the day. sobraaaa alat

had to hitch a ride so ended up at gloria at around 1630. the driver told me to like, wait at virra or promenade or something but then, i was scared i'd get lost and never find my way to gloria after that, you know? so i opted to stay at gloria and just wait there. anyhow, when i arrived, found out the hot pot area was opening at 1730 pa! wow. so i had to wait at the waiting area with all the people who were waiting for their take out orders.

hung out with kim and ken. just plain camwhoring even though ken brought her ahiah's camera. although she managed to take a few alat pics, her camera is still not AC. it will never be AC and never attain AC-ness. therefore, her alat pics weren't as bad as the ones i took. nyahahahaha. <<------ evil laugh.*

we were sorta on time for the AMP concert which was held in the henry lee irwin theatre. although some of them showcased a lot of great talent, la salle has definitely more talented people performing. sorry, guys. but despite being from ateneo, wala tayo sa la salle pag dating sa ganyan. nevertheless, their superiority is hanggang dyan lang. i repeat. only until there. comprende?

don't know if i fell asleep. ken kept bugging me and asking me if i was sleeping so i doubt i got some shut eye during the concert. kiks hung out with us. yay! i miss that dude.

looking forward to 300 with euge and company. only thing i will look forward to this week. damn it.

i still have a lot to do.

damn research paper. you are the bane of my life.

the stalker in me is coming out. who knew i had massive potential to be one, right? thank you, rotc, for teaching me the way. :P hahahahaha evil evil.

all kinds of time

2007-03-02T00:53:00.000+08:00

god. this stupid report on the culture industry is taking up all my time. what i'd really like to do right now is go to the beach with chess or whoever and just chill. i miss dapitan. having private bonfiresm sand on my toes, or just plain eating fresh seafood . . . oh man. i wanna visit the beach again. just chilling and all that. gad.

i don't get the report. i've read it like, six times na and i still don't get it. hay nako. what's weird is that the two authors seem very familiar. they are familiar because i wrote a paper on media manipulation by politicians a few years ago and guess what. they were one of my primary sources. taena. so why don't i get the culture industry?! cause it's so goddamned complicated, that's why.

if you guys are curious, just type in the culture industry on your search engine and you will be able to read the article. i doubt you guys are curious but i'm guessing you think i'm exaggerating na naman. so check it out for yourselves. if you get it, good for you. bobo lang talaga ako. just add that to my list of bobo stuff.

i had a report today on leonor orosa goquinco. i'm so proud of myself. i practiced all the tagalog words last night and i was able to pronounce them properly. yay! i kept on repeating the words again and again so today, i didn't mispronounce any of them! except the word morolandia. but that's okay. i doubt it's tagalog anyway.

starting this week, i'll work my ass off na. i was checking my grades and well, it is very possible for me to get nothing below B except for philo cause i doubt ma'am )who gave me a C even though i aced the lts and had a high mark for finals) will give me anything higher than a Cplus.

i want the weekend to begin. looking forward to hanging out with cousins this saturday. yes. i want to see them. cause i haven't since chinese new year. yay! so after this tagalog concert i have to go to, i'm going out with them. see you, guys. oh yeah. dinner with the gloria club minus olive plus ken. so that'll be fun. hotpot this time.

the rents will be back on saturday, i believe. therefore, i have enough time to ask permission. yes. to go out. i am twenty and i still ask for permission. don't laugh. i'm not a guy who can come and go as he pleases.

my brother ate my kimchi. so annoying. whenever my mom buys two jumbo sized jars of kimchi, one for him and one for moi, he never finishes his! but when i buy my own jumbo sized kimchi just for ME, that's when he decides he wants to finish the whole freakin' jar! why is that? i think i can apply an economic principle here. greater demand = less supply. so when there is an increase in demand of the good from the consumer, it means there is less supply, therefore increasing the value of the good which is the kimchi, and at the same time, its utility level. god. i can draw a graph pa but i'm tinatamad to do it on paint. so just use your imagination! supply and demand line, utility and of course, labels!

bummer

2007-02-28T23:16:00.000+08:00

when you have lots of stuff to do, papers to write, reports to make and presentations to practice for, what do you do?

if you know me well, you'd think i'm the type of person to get things done right? immediately? efficiently? not anymore.

instead of writing my papers, doing my "stuff," making reports and practicing for presentations, i am watching tv and chatting on YM. why would i do that? why would i give myself a hard time? i have no idea. but i can't stop. so far, i've done like, NOTHING.

yikes.

i keep on telling myself i should diet but i keep on falling into the trap of kimchi and ramen. oh well. i guess i will have to rely on exercise again but i can't! cause i have to lose weight first before i can start on the treadmill again? oh man. the choices i make.

i am definitely turning into someone i know who called herself a bum. bum bu bum bum bum.

what goes around comes around

2007-02-26T23:56:00.000+08:00

i don't like the way i ended my day. why am i such in a bad mood right now? better left unsaid. god. when i think about all those times. . . shit. whatever, dude. you think you're all that but you're not. feeling. you'll prolly never see this unless you're stalking me na now. shit talaga. taena.

or maybe it's that time of the month again? i hope so. wanna get it over with.

people are certainly rubbing me the wrong way and try to get my meaning. i don't mean it literally of course. i'm tempted to do something i might once again regret. fely knows what i'm talking about. and it's not about that person anymore. i don't know. there's just something about today. it pisses me off. sobra init ng ulo ko.

i feel so betrayed. well, from now on, wala na. i promise to change (na naman). i feel abandoned and at the same time, cheated on! tangina. like a hit and run accident. what the fuck? how did this happen? what will i do? what's going to happen next? may lakas loob ba ako to solve this damn problem? just like that. i feel like i've been hit by someone else in edsa and the worst thing is that that person doesn't even know he hit me! or if he did, he still ran away. damn you!!!!!!!!!!

we will see who will be the better man. or in my case, the better woman. tignan lang natin!

there will come soft rains

2007-02-25T17:09:00.000+08:00

i have a freakin' oral exam for chinese lit tomorrow and i just woke up. nice one, kate.

being sabog sucks. i have a report for phil lit on thursday and i haven't even started researching. the outline was due three weeks ago. wowzers. and i haven't even submitted the bib cards for my intro to lit course. god. this sucks ass man. i am so patapon.

BUT i've been reading which means i haven't been wasting away my days.

have to write this essay pa for ken. boo. yoko na. have to wake up early tomorrow. i hate waking up early. on my way home yesterday, i fell asleep as soon as i dropped a friend off at jolibee. and that was at around six thirty in the evening. goddamn if there's no class tomorrow cause if there ain't, i'm literally going to hide under the covers of my bed.

progress

2007-02-23T01:55:00.000+08:00

things to do:

1. read THE CULTURE INDUSTRY: Enlightenment as Mass Deception
2. read The Unbearable Lightness of Being
3. finish Eating Fire Drinking Water (100 pages to go, taena!)
4. research on the portrayal of the Chinese in Philippine Literature
5. report on the Literary Canon
6. read Richter's Introduction to Feminist Literary Criticism
7. read Irigaray's This Sex Which is Not One, Cixous' The Laugh of the Medusa
8. read Mulvey's Visual Pleasure and Narrative Cinema
9. read Ideology and the State, Marxism and Literature and The Work of Art in the Age of Mechanical Reproduction
10.outline on Eating Fire Drinking Water
11.mini-paper no. 3 for Western Literature 2

so far, that's it. i am dead tired but since i want to finish chai's damn book and find out whether the character named luis bayani died or not, i am going to stay up and finish the damn book by tonight. if i can. unless i fall asleep again (which is what happened last night).

i wanted to post a really alat picture of someone but she might get mad. but then again, she doesn't know about this blog i have. what do you guys think? this is a kate-tatorship. not a democracy. so i guess i will post it???

nah. bukas na lang. kakatamad.

drowning

2007-02-22T23:46:00.000+08:00

the Heat arrives

2007-02-21T23:52:00.000+08:00

i was beginning to believe it was true.

but because of what happened today, i'm starting to think it's not. you might say it's another twist of fate. there's nothing more surprising than being proven you're wrong when you think you're absolutely right. our ego keeps us from listening to other people and just believing ourselves. i can honestly say i deceive myself sometimes. for example, i tell myself i can do it. i can stick it out in management but in reality, i am drowning. damn you, ibarra! i am still alat. i will never forget what you fucking told me.

anyway, what i'm trying to say is all is not lost. there is hope. there is but one chance for me and i wish to succeed with all my heart! haha. drama. but seriously, there's nothing that entertains me now, except for the usual bonding sessions i have with AC whom you guys are all aquainted with. who doesn't know AC, right? i'm sure you've been one of our victims na. just check out my multiply. i hope i don't get alat over this because it takes a while for me to get over alatness.

had brunch with kimi today at teriyaki boy. she just had to take a picture of the poste/wall where i pinned the guard. yeah. ran over the guard of teriyaki boy a long long time ago because i didn't see him while i was backing up. hahaha. and she took an alat picture of me while i was eating ramen. hay. she even showed it to random people we're not really close to or don't really like. like aso. i can't believe it! alat.

i have to get back to reading. yeah. reading kundera's lightness of being and chai's eating fire and drinking water. i finally reached more than a hundred pages for chai's novel. finally finally finally. thank god. 170 more pages to go. hay. i have a long way to go pa for kundera. tsk tsk tsk.

till they take my heart away

2007-02-20T20:28:00.000+08:00

i thought i didn't have so much homework for tomorrow but apparently, i do. i wish this semester would just end. i'm so freaked out by all the work i'm doing. i actually found miss jurilla's address so i promptly emailed her without expecting a reply so soon. today, she actually replied! i'm so glad. it's just amazing how you can get info about people through the internet. she told me she wouldn't be able to answer my questions just yet but that if i'm patient, she'll have them answered by the end of this week. thank god for that!

i also forgot about the revision i have to do for my lit101 paper on metafiction. this sucks. i super hate writing papers. to add to that, i have a freaking consultation to go to at nine in the friggin morning. and that's the time i usually wake up for mondays, wednesdays and fridays. hell, man. there's just no end to this.

i sat in and watched the lit seniors present their panels. it's so scary! i mean, could i really come up with at least a hundred pages of thesis material? seeing sir rafael acuna as one of the readers/mentors just reminded me of what hell i had to go through in his writing class two years ago. basically just got Ds. the only thing that saved me from him failing me was my being his beadle. well, that's my theory, anyway.

a blockmate said we won't be having any chinese class na. but i'm thinking we still do! hello? right? i mean, if the teacher said the last day was going to be this friday, just because the seniors' last day is today doesn't mean we won't have class anymore tomorrow and friday. basta i am showing up tomorrow. won't matter anyway cause i'm going to be in school by 0830h.

holy shit! this paper on metafiction's burning all my braincells. it is so hard to please elmo. i wanna wail and sob to my heart's content.

error... error... error....

2007-02-19T20:05:00.000+08:00

i feel so stupid. why do i feel so stupid?

BECAUSE I FREAKIN FORGOT TO SWITCH MY ALARM CLOCK ON AND ENDED UP CUTTING ALL FOUR OF MY CLASSES TODAY. THAT'S WHY!

and i know you guys are laughing right now. laugh all you want. but it is so not funny. i just missed one day's worth of notes! that's at least five pages for lit112.2, five pages for ph102 and i don't know how many pages for chinese philo class and lit101. taena!!! so much for starting the new year right. i feel so dumb. like some dumbass person who's stupid enough to have overslept.

holy shit! FOUR SUBJECTS! my notes, man. tangina. my notes. naiinis talaga ako. and to think this is our last week for chinese class. ugh. i soooo hate it.

slept at four am last night because i was chatting with sahiah bryce. i know i didn't really miss much today BUT i still feel bad because i missed down some note taking action. hay.

the management people are busy taking their marketing or finance or whatever exam. so i have no one to talk to right now except la salle people. alat ng buhay. dinner last night at makati shang took so long. so many food. grabehhhh. i had to walk it off after a while. haha. saw some people walking out of the rizal grand ballroom. what's weird is that i never saw euge who happened to be there rin pala. oh whale.

eating fire and drinking water. . . i haven't even reached page 100. haha. patay, mehn.

ramblings

2007-02-16T20:10:00.000+08:00

why am i all alone on a friday night? i'm wondering as well but i guess it's because i am still grounded. i am making takas tomorrow to have lunch with some people. i guess it will be okay. if not, i guess it doesn't matter anyway if i get grounded again. i was victimized a month ago na. why am i still grounded, right? so i guess i will adapt the very filipino attitude of bahala na. BAHALA NA, mehn!

i got to see everyone today except paek. saw euge, ken and abet. and then when i walked further on at sec walk, i saw val and aidz. after my 1230 class, i was on my way to the SOMMALL when i saw lai and val at the field. and then ives and aidz. hahahaha. yes. so very fun. even took pictures.

because my last class was a free cut, i hung out with kaye instead. besides, i didn't have a cellphone. couldn't contact my driver to pick me up early. and so the story goes on. di da di di da di da di da di. no. that's actually a song. but kaye and i went back to SOMMALL and hung out there na naman. we played the alphabet game. we each had to name two animals, plants, cars, alak and use each letter of the alphabet. for example, A is for alak. A is for amaretto. etc. . . first round was animal round. we reached letter z. second round is car round. we reached till letter W. wolls woyce, diba? haha. third round is alak round. A is for alak. B is for bodka. C is . . . etc. last round is plant/tree/flower round. yeah. we were definitely sabaw.

because i have nothing to do tonight, maybe i will just do my homework for next week. nothing wrong with that. i will do a "ken." yes. working hard and all of that. it's like with sir lauengco. he made a new term. "nada-dans ka na ba?" keyword is dans. what does dans mean? it means inaantok ka na ba? why dans? because kiko dans is always sleeping during class. whenever you look at him, he is always in some form or stage of sleep. example: kakagising lang. almost sleeping. trying to sleep. actually sleeping. deep sleep. yes. thus, nadadans ka na ba? hahaha.

i watched a few episodes of robotech a while ago and gatekeepers. so saaaad. i want to buy old dvds tuloy. i stole the wii rin. nyahahahaha. BUT! i promise to do my homework. promise! but i am tempted . . . . sige. one hour lang.

in honour of valentine's

2007-02-14T22:27:00.000+08:00

Your Birthdate: August 7

Calm and understated, you struggle to express your love with words.
Over time, your partner learns to recognize your passion by the actions you take.
You're good at wooing someone slowly, without them even realizing it!

Number of True Loves You'll Have: 1

Number of Times You'll Have Your Heart Broken: 2

You are most compatible with people born on the 7th, 16th, and 25th of the month.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean For Your Love Life?

does this then mean i'm compatible with JC? yeahhhhhh. astig.

hearty

2007-02-14T00:07:00.000+08:00

happy valentine's day, people.
everyone's talking about love and hearts and sweet moments.
speaking of sweet moments, i got to sit elsewhere for my class at faura and when i looked out of the window, i saw these two freshmen making out. because the teacher was absent and we just had some seatwork we had to do, it was easy for us to look out. before i knew it, all the guys were looking at the girl and the guy being all lovey dovey na. ugh. i swear. it was so gross. hahaha.
some friend of mine said they do the same thing every tuesday and thursday. hahaha. ugh, man. iw.
valentine's is like, so overrated na now. why is it so commercialized? went to the mall a while ago and everything was like, red with hearts and balloons and sweet words. ay ya yay. i guess i'm just bitter. hahahaha. will focus na lang on the new year. if my parents make me go to mindanao this friday to saturday, fine. if they don't, eh di good din. i don't want to head the mindanao office, noh! what am i going to do there, right? wala!

i finally admitted something to someone. hay. gash. tell you about it tomorrow.

list

2007-02-12T00:02:00.000+08:00

things to do:
1. lit171 paper on romance of the three kingdoms
2. lit 171 paper on shuihu zhuan
3. lit 101 sentence outline for final paper
4. lit 101 outline for group reporting
5. lit 161 sentence outline on eating fire, drinking water
6. read luigi pirandello and virginia woolf novels for lit 126.2
7. read ricouer for ph102
8. read 4 articles for lit112.2

what i'm doing right now:
1. chatting with people
2. uploading pictures
3. downloading songs
4. watching transformers the movie special edition
5. eating pineapple

am i feeling the pressure?

not yet.

will i regret it?

most probably.

is it all worth it?

nope.

too bad about your girl

2007-02-11T01:01:00.000+08:00

sometimes, i hate myself so much it hurts. i do pretty random and stupid things that make me hurt even more. i've done my share of rebellious things. i've had friends who weren't good for me at all. in a way, you could say i was crazy. i was one hell of a crazy person. the thing is, once you go crazy, you can never turn back. ever heard of the point of no return? i reached that point last year and there's no way i can go back to how i was.

i'm not saying i am no longer crazy. what i'm trying to say is that all the optimism i have and the hopes i had are gone. i'm not the same anymore! what's sad is that i'm sort of glad i ain't the girl i used to be. yes. i am turning into a cold hard woman but who cares? it's definitely better than getting hurt all the time.

i was really disappointed today. i think it's a turning point in my life. never knew things could go this bad. i've had my share of troubles. i've had my crying in the dark moments and the suicidal ones as well. and no. i'm not going to elaborate on that one. biggest disappointment in my life: myself. biggest regret: myself. do i want to change everything: hell yes.

it's pretty obvious i have problems right now but i can't say much. too personal. besides, it hurts too much. can't talk to people cause they're too busy anyway. but this is so burdensome. i should take up my friend's offer and go see a shrink. i can't take any more of this. i thought i could. i thought i got through it last year but it's all coming back. ugh. when will all the troubles in the world end? when will mine end? prolly when hell freezes over.

k8: i feel so depressed
nj: why??
k8: wala. disappointmented lang
k8: *disapppointed lang
k8: halata bang nakainom
k8: hahahahaha
nj: ..oh..so achie kate gets emo when she drinks..

wala. funny lang. what my cousin said is true though. why is this night such a sad one? even the moon and the stars seem to agree with my mood. oh the weeping sky. i wanna jump out from my balcony and die. but i have a feeling all i will get is one hell of a pasa on my ass if i jump out. if not, baka umabot ako sa swimming pool. and all i will get from that is a wet kate.

hold on, little girl

2007-02-09T02:25:00.000+08:00

listening to old songs from the seventies, eighties and nineties. ever heard of mr. big? haha.

just finished my topic proposals. the never ending paper submissions are killing me! i've done nothing but write papers, etc. i used to love writing. i used to love researching. BUT most of all, i used to be good at it. not anymore. having to write papers every other day and submitting at least two every week takes the fun out of it.

my friends and i were talking about exag people. i know someone who wears five karat diamond rings while she's riding a trike. hello? living the good life is fine. i'm happy for you. but do you have to flaunt your 5karat diamond rings and wear them when you go to the bukid? i don't think so. if i were some poor person in need of money, i would steal those rings from you and justify myself by saying you were asking for it. right? some people are just too much. especially when they're so feeling. someone has obviously ticked me off. making stupid accusations is so beneath you, dude. why don't you grow up and act your age?!

i have to go to divisoria and 168 on saturday to run some errands for my mom. after buying whatever is on her list of things to get, i have to head back to the house, pick up my sister and bring her to the salon for hair and make up and spa and pedicure manicure. in case you don't know, it's prom season. since my parents are too busy to get things done, i have to be the one to get things done. anyway, once again, my saturday is gone...

since i am balding, my mom decided i should change my hati. so now, my hair is parted to the left. haha. it feels weird but i am getting used to it. i wanted a haircut. i was thinking of short hair but i guess my mom knew what i was planning and refused. since i am broke anyway, there is no way i can get a haircut by myself without using my own money. did that make sense?

i hate sarcastic people who think they know everything. don't you hate people who are like that? well, i know people who are like that and i respect them and all but there is just this one person who thinks he's all that and i super want to cut his head off, feed it to the crocodiles in my lolo's farm in mindanao and then throw the rest of his body in muslim territory. yeah. i am evil. there's just something about this guy that ticks me off! he's so annoying i really dislike him.

i know it's valentine's season but i can't help feeling this way. BUT i'm not saying i'm not feeling the love. in fact, i do. hahaha. feel the love, i mean. my parents are becoming cheesy and the family is getting all excited. it's finally almost new year! yay! i love new year! i love the food during new year. too bad i won't be able to eat much this year. my sister picked me up from school the other day. she saw me walking with kimi and kenken. when i got inside my car, she identified the people with me. here's how it went:

shobe: are those rita and ken?
me: yeah.
shobe: rita looks so skinny. ken is payat also.
me: i know.
shobe: you look like big bird or a giant standing next to them.
me: . . . . .

what was i supposed to say? of course not? hahahaha. asa. i am now on a mission to lose even more weight! go team kate!

just one of those days

2007-02-08T01:04:00.000+08:00

super long day. slept at around six in the morning only to wake up at nine and get ready for school. struggled with getting out of bed. i so didn't want to move but my maid went in the room and opened the curtains and switched the aircon off. i still had a hard time after that though. ugh. slob.

sitting alone during chinese class, i almost fell asleep. i had to force myself to take down notes just so that i wouldn't doze off. elmo's class was boring as well. i don't think i was able to take anything down properly. will just ask for the group's powerpoint presentation. anyhow, lunch was tiring as well. walking to mateo killed me. i don't think kaye noticed but i was so goddamn tired i wasn't able to talk much to ken. hay.

was looking forward to the next class. wasn't disappointed although kaye's comment is still stuck in my head. what if? sobra kung totoo, shoot me. hahaha. anyhow, philo was sort of okay as well. didn't really do anything but take down notes. as soon as i got home, i dropped dead on my bed and didn't wake up till nine in the evening.

right now, i'm reading these articles on romanticism and neoclassicism. i'm also trying to finish madame bovary and another work, six characters in search of an author. the latter is sorta short so hopefully, i finish it before class tomorrow. i also have a paper due tomorrow and i haven't started yet. the papers keep on coming. it's not even thesis year yet. oh what to do.

creepin'

2007-02-06T20:54:00.000+08:00

i was reading my old diaries and notebooks and i realized ang babaw ko pala. yes. i am a shallow bitch. i am still the same person and yet i have changed! how can that be so? ah yes. the beauty of philosophy. C+ lang ako, taena! akala ko naman B ako dun. ano ba yan! thesis statement number one! wtf. i bet nabawasan ako because i did not really sign up for the orals.

in one of my diary entries, i wrote about this guy i was so NOT seeing and how he got so jealous when i met up with one of my friends whom he happened to KNOW OF. didn't really know the person but only knew of him. what the hell? and i got so pissed cause he was acting as if kami na or something! when i wasn't even dating him. hahaha.

there was this other time where i made a big deal out of this certain person saying something about me and how i wouldn't make patalo. what the hell? why was i such a warfreak in high school? i was on disciplinary probation and wasn't even supposed to be enrolled for senior year! how the hell did i graduate with my warfreak ways?

i talked to a high school friend of mine this afternoon. was dismissed early for western lit. she told me about how i used to be in high school and how much i changed. people honestly thought i was some lezzie which is like, so ouch! can you believe such a thing? don't make hirit, ken! like, just because i joined taekwondo varsity and had nick carter's hair does NOT mean i'm some lezzie! god. scary eye opener for me was when my friend told me a certain friend of mine had a crush on me. come junior year, i grew my hair and it has never gone any shorter than shoulder length! hahahaha.

more babaw stuff about grades and clothes and well, boys. it's funny how there was more action in high school even though i was in an all girls school. now that i'm in a co-ed environment, it's like there has been a famine in my life. tsk tsk tsk. speaking of boys, my friends have been trying to set me up with their cousins, friends, kabarkadas, etc. funny. thanks guys but no thanks. i know it's valentine's season and all but i am not desperate. besides, i'm too kilig for my other friends to find kilig myself. if that made any sense.

but i'm sure it did. to a certain someone. hahahahaha!!!!!

you know who you are.

crappy day

2007-02-05T22:17:00.000+08:00

my parents woke me up early only to tell me about one of my brothers. i'm so disappointed right now. i really don't know what to do because i am not my brother. like in philo, i can't share in his existence. no one can die for you! i can't study for him. ay nako. it's things like these that get me down.

my parents are already pushing me about the whole studying abroad thing. but they have one condition. they want someone to go with me. because i'm a girl, they don't want me travelling alone. so i guess i'm going to have to rely on kimi. if i'm not able to find someone to go with, then they're going to make me wait a year until my brother can go as well. which sucks. i wanna get out of this house as soon as possible!

really busy this week.
for wednesday:
lit101 paper
lit 171 paper
for thursday:
lit126.2 paper
lit161 sentence outline
for friday:
another lit 171 paper

and haven't done any! hahahaha.

zombie mode

2007-02-04T19:02:00.000+08:00

so what the hell happened last friday?!!

started the day wrong, basically. woke up at six freakin' am and had a very icy cold shower. god. i was so shocked by how cold the water was i actually screamed. yeah. i screamed. thankfully, all my siblings had already left for school. this was at around quarter to seven. soooo embarrassing. if they had known about what had happened, i'm guessing they would have laughed their guts out. oldest sister is no longer used to the freezing cold showers in the early morning. ugh. i haven't woken up this early since that gimmick i had with kim and ken where we had breakfast at mcdonald's greenhills. and that was last year!

anyhow, it was cold at school. thank god i wore a jacket. i was waiting for my philo teacher to arrive but she never showed. so i sorta guessed that my oral exam wasn't in the morning but at night time. i then had to text ken and euge using my dad's phone (how desperate!) and tell them i couldn't go anymore with them (which basically was a downer). went back home and dropped dead on my bed but not before remembering to set the alarm on my oh so useless mobile phone with no sim card. anyhow, woke up at around eleven fifteen. got to school at eleven twenty five and started with chinese class.

i enjoyed the report because one of the reporters talked in a nice way. she wasn't too trying hard to speak in english nor was she so pataps. besides, discussing a fun novel like journey to the west will never be anything but interesting. had lunch with ken and kaye after that by our backbiting bench although we didn't really backbite anyone. ken and kaye insisted on eating ice cream despite the former's obvious state of being lactose intolerant. (shakes head). both of them ended up buying more than two cones. hay. kaye and i later went to the lit convention and listened to two interesting women talk about asian literature and how the western world was sticking it to us. yep. even in the literary world, we need the west's approval.

after the talk, went home and dropped dead again. once again set the alarm on and before i knew it, it was already 1945h. headed over to school and was once again surprised. it was soooo cold! i waited outside de la costa and even saw the teacher step outside for a light. she told me about how i signed up on the wrong side of the sign up sheets and that basically, i had no slot! thank god she let me take my oral exam though.

best surprise though was kimi visiting. after her 1800-2100h class at SOM, she headed over to DLC and met up with me. we waited for my turn and basically just hung out. kimi left when i took my exam. i got number one! why is it that i'm super lucky with every thesis statement that i choose? even for other subjects! haha. yay! so i got to see everyone that day. from ken to marty to kimi. went home after that and well, once again, dropped dead.

lazy lazy lazy

2007-02-01T20:59:00.000+08:00

i haven't studied for philo yet. i'm thinking about writing six essays for the six thesis statements and just reading one of the six essays tomorrow, depending on which thesis question i get. talk about lazy but i don't feel like philo is pretty important right now. i worked my ass off last sem and all i got was a lousy C despite acing the exam and getting a B for the other one. i just don't understand. i had a clean record, never missed a quiz either. not being very verbose should not be taken against me!

writing a paper on ancient chinese poets is definitely interesting although i wish i could have done it some other day. this is too much of a hassle. to top it all off, i have to listen to someone talk about their paper on asian literature in english, why not? yes. that is the title of the work. this better be good. anyhow, i haven't even started my paper on metafiction. oh what to do, what to do? i haven't read any of the chinese novels i have to read either.

i'm way behind. i promise to use this five day weekend to catch up on things and do some work. i want to go out tomorrow but it's so hard communicating with other people without a mobile phone. i hate it!

i need to exercise but mum won't let me. she says i have to lose weight first before i start exercising again. i'm more macho than my brothers, according to her. even my drivers say i am macho. wowzers.

its hurts

2007-01-31T23:18:00.000+08:00

having absolutely no classes for five days is definitely fun despite having so many papers due next week. finished my midterms in record time although i had a lot of blanks for the second part of the test which was identification. the mini essays were sort of okay. since i never read anything for psychoanalysis, i didn't know what the hell i was talking about. hopefully, the ambiguity is enough.

i promise to read the three philosophy readings i haven't read at all. we are finally leaving levinas after this week. thank god! and we are now moving on to ricouer. still a malabo guy but who cares? i think anyone's better than levinas! right on.

kaye was telling me a while ago about how she went looking for me last monday. she had to go to the washroom. i was sitting somewhere nearby and even told her i'd buy pizza at the sec field. anyhow, i waited for her but she never came back. since i didn't have a phone with me, i had to leave without saying goodbye. i couldn't risk going to my pick up area late because if the driver left me, i'd have no way to contact him. i couldn't contact kaye either. oh how did we ever make do without mobile phones?! she saw euge and ken that day and asked them if i was with them or if they had seen me. euge replies with bakit nawawala ba si kate? nandyan lang yan somewhere. haha!

talk about a lost puppy. used to get lost in campus. i now know the names of the buildings, at least.

so what am i doing right now? i'm trying to update certain things and convince my mom to get a facial with me tomorrow so that i won't have to pay for it myself. haha! evil evil. besides, i don't have money! just two weeks ago, my wallet was stolen from right under my nose.

pips, kiks, iking, anicka and i are going to have to go out soon. thinking about going to a korean restaurant.

ohhhh. there's this huge zit on my nose which refuses to come out. it really hurts! "its hurts!"

fight!

2007-01-31T01:13:00.000+08:00

i am going to fail my midterms tomorrow. why am i not scared? because i don't know what exactly to expect.

reminds me of my first competition ever. i didn't know what to expect so i wasn't scared at all. no butterflies in the stomach. no extreme stretching. no mind games with my opponents. hahahaha. after that one fight (which i won), it scared the hell out of me. i wouldn't be able to eat at all during the day of a competition. lots of mindgames with the opponents. for example:

kate: is it your first time in a competition?
opponent: (looks at kate) no. how about you?
kate: yes, it is. i am really nervous. do you know what to do?
opponent: (looks at kate up and down) don't be nervous. it's going to be okay
kate: really? my friends made me join and i didn't know what else to do so i joined this. i'm still a yellow belter.
opponent: (also a yellow belter) i'm high yellow
kate: i'm only a low yellow belter (doesn't say she's been a yellow belter for four years)
opponent: (smiles) it's okay. good luck
kate: take it easy on me, okay? (wink wink)

guess who won the fight? if you guessed the other girl, you're wrong. kate won the fight. it is better to play mindgames. one thing i learned from my teammates is that don't dig in to what your opponents tell you. let them underestimate you so that they won't know what's coming. but sometimes, when the team is invited to compete with really good teams, deception is what is needed. for example, even though i am just a yellow belter who is by now supposed to be a black belter, i wear a black belt to trick the other opponents. if they are psychologically scared already, it will affect the way they fight during the match. pretending to be a black belter and tricking them can work for you or against you. sometimes, black belters also wear yellow belts to trick their opponents.

what i'm trying to say is that life can be looked at through a taekwondo match. there are so many things going on in a match that you will definitely learn from it. i've decided to go back and be serious in my training. i need to stay fit.

i end this digression and go back to my main point. i am going to fail my midterms tomorrow.

slowly but surely

2007-01-30T20:31:00.000+08:00

i am so lazy. i have midterms tomorrow but i'm not doing anything right now. all the work is piling up. i have been trying to catch up but with each day, i get more and more work to do. i wonder if the real life will be just like this. after college, that is? isn't it strange that we merely work ourselves to the bone to get good grades, graduate, get married and support our families just to die? where is existence here? i feel like an ant in a colony. which one am i amongst all those ants? how does one tell? i'm probably the one nearest to the drinking station a.k.a. the bar. kidding!

i remember this stupid thing a friend of mine did when we were somewhere. won't put any details so as to not embarrass him. he was accompanying me somewhere and we had to ride an elevator. i don't know what was wrong with him but he needed to let out some air! and we were in a crowded elevator, a group of strangers pressed against each other, all hurrying to get to where we wanted to go. a funny thought crept into my head. what if he actually farted then and there? wouldn't that have been hilarious?

but he actually did. he farted! and it was loud. not loud enough to deafen one's ears but loud enough to distinguish that someone in the elevator had farted! i knew it was him because he looked at me with such a sheepish look on his face. what was i to do? so that people wouldn't think it was me, i immediately started fanning myself and said, "ugh. do you smell that, X? someone farted!" and he played along as well! we were playing a game of bluff to save face. i guess some of them thought it was me. the elevator was so crowded! no one could really point a finger at someone else. but i knew the truth. and my friend knew as well.

one time, i dared my shobe to steal a glass from an airline. travelling with a family like mine keep flight attendants busy with our demands. i never thought she'd actually do it. so just right before take off, we were offered orange juice or any sort of beverage. after drinking some orange juice, my sister asked for water. she timed it in such a way that the attendant wouldn't be able to collect the glass afterwards cause everyone had to be buckled up. the girl actually pulled it off. in fact, by the end of the flight, she was able to get three. felt so bad. never dared her ever again. i think she could have gone to jail for that, right?

euge and i are chatting right now about how to make money and get rich. and it's not about getting rich fast. it's taking things slow. might take his advice. there's money in it.

procrastination is the key

2007-01-29T22:02:00.000+08:00

i haven't been doing anything except watch tv and play dvds all day. i also cut a certain class last week. i think i skipped just about the whole week. so that's 3 cuts for one MWF subject. i also cut a TTH subject. pretty bad. the teacher from my MWF classes isn't that bad, i guess. he actually gave me a c+ for one of my papers. i have so many papers coming up. i don't know which one to do first. hay.

i don't have a mobile phone right now. no one can message me using SMS or call me up. was totally surprised when last saturday, a bunch of people started calling me up right before and after dinner. someone even asked if i was mad at her cause i haven't been replying at all. apparently, people have been texting me all week and no one seems to remember that my line was disconnected. i wonder when it'll be up and running again. kim was telling me a while ago about how she felt bad and was making "tampo" because i haven't been replying. she thinks i've been snubbing her. i wonder how many people feel the same way right now. thank god for YM.

being grounded definitely makes a weekend shitty. didn't do anything but stay in my room and eat. by the end of the weekend, i weighed 122 pounds. yeah. so shitty. thank god i'm back to my normal weight.

my cousin visited last saturday as well and slept over. we talked till the wee hours of the morning. surprisingly enough, we actually woke up at eight with less than four hours of sleep. haha! didn't go to church either. there is seriously something wrong with me but i can't help myself! i am turning into chess. never went to mass when we were in high school.

work's piling up. i have 2 midterms this week, 2 papers and a panel. i have several quizzes as well. and i haven't started for any of it. evil me. what's going on? why can't i concentrate? why won't i do what i have to do?

thought you should know...

2007-01-26T05:01:00.000+08:00

just finished my paper. thank god it's over. i'm going to print it later. i'm too lazy and too tired to go down and print it out.

i really like this song by james morrison. forgot the title of the song though. the video's cute too. watching mtv right now. why does aaron carter have a new lookalike? his name's jesse mccartney. really strange. at least this one can sort of sing. just so you know...

ack. the caffeine is still pumping! my heart's palpitating and it's 5am. need to get up at 0930h. what to do?

Ray of Light

2007-01-25T23:35:00.000+08:00

Don't you just love Ray Bradbury? I do! I love his works. I haven't read all of them. He was influenced by Shakespeare and borrowed the line "Something wicked this way comes" from one of his plays. Bradbury was also the man who influenced Stephen King. In fact, Stephen King's famous novel, "It" was based on one of Ray Bradbury's works. He is The Man, writing about fantasy although most people would say his works were leaning towards science fiction. I like his work so much that I even used the title of his work as my address.

Anyhow, I'm doing a paper right now on Post-Structuralism. It's actually quite fun now that I think about it. It's supposed to be a five page paper but I'm still stuck on page two. I'm not rushing or anything. Derrida, Foucault and Barthes actually make sense. However, it took me more than a month to actually understand what they were trying to say.

In one of my classes, we discussed Neo-Classicism and Romanticism. Neo-Classicism was so geared on rules while Romanticism didn't want rules. Post-Modernism came up as well. We later talked about how everyone must first be reared in Neo-Classicism before they can be post-modernist as one must know the rules that govern a certain construct before one can break these rules. And it's true. It also got me to thinking. There's nothing new in the world, really. Everything's been thought of, well, at least in the field of Literature. There are no new ideas. In fact, almost everything is based on the Greeks ideologies. The notion of Hero and Anti-Hero, tragedy, comedy, etc. What changes is how these are presented but not the plot. Never the plot. There are merely variations.

How'd I get into something like this? I have no idea. All I know is that I'm stalling. I don't wanna do my paper yet. I'm thinking about making a resume and going for OJT. Don't know. What should I do?

it came from somewhere

2007-01-22T21:14:00.000+08:00

kini was watching mtv yesterday and they actually invested so much time on an asian pop star. who knew an asian artist would actually make it big in the west, right? what's surprising is that the guy's korean. i'm actually quite surprised considering everyone knows there's so much more chinese people in the world than koreans. why is it then that someone korean makes it big first? i'm not being racial here. it just doesn't add up.

speaking of asian artists, why does taiwan and hong kong produce more popular stars than mainland china? hmmm. . . that's weird, too! hahahaha. well, jay chou has great tunes. and despite edison chen's lack of singing ability, he certainly is hot. along with nicholas tse, etc.
i wonder when people from this country will make it big? it'll probably take a while. people here try so much to be white. or black. or japanese. or chinese. and these days, people are trying to be korean. hahahahaha. will we please get an identity of our own?

the departed was a great movie. watching leo struggle was something. he looked like he was perpetually constipated. the language was obscene. i think i heard the word fuck more than a hundred times. i stopped counting soon after. cocksucker made things even more foul. i knew marky mark was going to end up killing the last person in that twisted movie. i just knew it. i guess this movie just goes to show that we're very sexual beings. all the insults had something to do with sexuality. blow me. suck me. cocksucker. homo. hay. homo. who knew the irish were so homophobic?!? i thought only xaverians were like that!

i'm watching doom right now cause i can't make myself finish reading madame bovary. god. emma is such a whiner. what the hell? she drags on and on. i hate her. i haven't even read the other novels yet. shit!

bleed me dry

2007-01-21T19:07:00.000+08:00

my parents found out. i don't know how they found out but they did. fuck everyone in the house. i will find out soon. whoever ratted out on me will surely pay the price. i went to great lengths and did everything i could to keep it a secret and what happens? i end up with this! some big catastrophe because someone opened his or her big mouth! my mom's coming back soon and i bet she can't wait to give me a sermon. if she ever mentions being irresponsible and family and all that shit, i swear to god i'm going to go crazy.
she makes sure those damn cousins of mine from the provinces live. when we're here and we can't even pay for my brother's tuition! she pays for the expenses of two whole families! what the hell? does she love them more than her own kids?!? that's what i don't understand. i swear. she's so keen on telling me i waste money and do this and that when she drains all our money on those cousins of mine. their parents can't even support them. do we have to support everyone in that town?
if it weren't for my other aunts and uncles there, i swear i'd never step foot on her hometown ever again. they're like leeches, sucking us dry. my dad works so hard just to put food on the table and she just hands them out to her relatives. doesn't she realize that dad's nearing sixty and he still has a kid in grade school? if our grandmother dies soon, i have a feeling we're going to be supporting her whole family there. and to think they all hate her! they're all jealous because my mom married well. HAH. and to think they used to look down on my dad's family because they were chinese! not like my mom's family who have spanish/german blood. and look at them now! and my mom still defends them! i don't know how her mind works.
i'm so pissed right now. don't know what to do. i hope the maid finds a model soon. wanna get this over with.

tsawi

2007-01-20T00:24:00.000+08:00

i hate poor people. they are the most petty people ever. i hate them! i was at the mall a while ago chilling with a friend. we were waiting for another friend to show up when i noticed some poor looking kid use the table next to ours. i only noticed him cause he was scrawny and was wearing a dirty looking sando. his shorts looked cheap. his feet were dirty and he was wearing slippers. i didn't bother looking at the old man he was with. i placed my bag on the seat beside me and talked animatedly with my friend. the little kid was walking around the area and kept going near me. i didn't really mind him. at the back of my head, i was thinking about what the hell these people were doing at a place we were at. they weren't buying anything! when they left, i noticed my bag wasn't on the center of the seat anymore but on the side. when i opened my bag, my wallet and my fucking camera were gone. holy fucking assholes. i hate them.

never again will i pity poor people. i mean, my dad is right. no wonder this country is still a third world country. when i go to china, i will never come back unless i can help it. this country is going down the drain. i hate non taxpayers and i hate the poor. fuck levinas and his responsibility for the other shit. i didn't deserve to have my shit stolen. seeing the infinite in the other. yeah right. who uses kids as thieves anyway? if desperation drives people to do things they don't normally do, i hope people can tell desperation from being damn lazy apart. fucking opportunists. i hope that man and all his children and grandchildren and their grandchildren die.
it's a bit extreme but i've never cheated anyone. i don't deserve this. i hate losing a LOT of money.

love so divine

2007-01-18T23:41:00.000+08:00

i've been watching a lot of these weird movies lately and i love it. there's nothing more interesting and fun than watching movies and not knowing what to expect from them. i guess that's the reason why foreign films are the best.

a week ago, i spent the night at a cousin's flat. it was pretty damn fun considering i didn't really ask permission from my parents. and they didn't get roaring mad either. i was pretty pissed the driver didn't show up on time. i really needed to get to school early but no one was home. after the meeting, i decided to walk the strip alone and headed to my cousin's flat. saw a lot of foreigners. i never realized how much the country was being invaded by koreans. all's cool, i guess. the more foreigners, the better. doesn't that mean the country's economy is getting better?

sometimes, i find it so fun when it's my first time at some foreign country. everything is so strange and different and out of this world. the first time i set foot on hong kong, it was crazy. i loved it. everything was so fast paced. just like new york and japan! uhhh. why can't my homeland be like that? prolly because of all the lying cheating bastards governing the country, that's why! i just realized i want to travel the world and explore everything. maybe i should work as a flight attendant with kimi after graduation, right? that'd be cool. insane, right?

there's this hot guy i've been crushing on. i haven't really been seeing him but thinking about him's enough for me. didn't really expect to like someone this semester but sometimes, things don't go as planned. i wonder if something might come out of this? daydreaming again. haha. pretty amazing, though. gosh.

reading bovary's such a labor. i hate emma. i've only gotten past several chapters and i already hate her. i wonder if i'll get to finish it by tuesday.